On The Range: Visiting Chris and Hat Rock State Park

I just got back from Umatilla where My Dad, Step Mom and I visited my husband Chris and took a little hike through Hat Rock State Park. It was a fairly sunny trip and I got some good relaxation time in. There is a large golf course where I take isa to run. This time she chased a few tumbleweeds. I spent some time reading, and praying and taking walks. I even started a narrative chronicling my first visits to chris. When that is a bit more polished I will post it up here. Who knows, maybe I'll turn it in to a book one day. i enjoyed hanging out with Dad and Laurie. We even attempted charades one night in the hotel that ended in many fits of laughter. I always prefered board game . . .

My visit with chris was in some ways, beyond words. How can one describe what its like to reunite with your Love? How can you describe the pain of forced separation? Yeah, I understand the reasons behind it. I even know how many look at our situation. I know there are some who think, " Why doesn't she move on?" Questions like that come from a mind that has failed to see the bigger picture. I believe our marriage goes beyond a list of wrongs and hurts. it goes beyond a life of only getting what you want and dropping everything and everyone who doesn't get you there. What Chris and I are doing is about change, hope, and faith that we can be better, that in Christ, we will never be bound by our mistakes.

Sometimes people think once a man or woman is sent to prison that they become less human. They fail to consider the weight of shame, remorse, and loneliness that presses on the inmate's heart. A man incarcerated is not always a man lost. In fact it is a man who needs love more than ever before. It is a man who hangs on each letter, picture and phone call, his only connection to the outside world.

When we visit, both of our worlds fade, and we enter in to a state of unity. A place where we are one and our circumstance are of no consequence. We are Chris and Katie, changing and growing. Praying, asking, and working for a better life. To see the smile and look into the eyes of your spouse, to have conversation, to hold hands, to connect, they are all a part of deep needs that all married couples have. I confess, I didn't want to leave. For those few hours, I was content. But we left in a state of peace that we each had a clear purpose in our present situation. Though painful, God was present, and we would keep making the next right choice. We would keep doing our best.

It is easy to look at anothers mistakes and decide they have stopped deserving your love. That line is different for everyone. The way I see it, we didn't deserve Jesus' love, but he gave it to us anyways. He never told us to go away after we made a mess of things time and time again. He has modeled a life of love and forgiveness. Healthy love must be present with healthy boundaries, so I am working on balance, I am learning to have healthy boundaries in my life. Its a process . . . Just as God is doing his work in Chris, He is also doing his work here in me. It is another instance where God shows His paradoxical nature. We are together in spirit, but separate.

Thats way more than I planned on saying, but there it is. I am also trying to post some pictures of our visit to Hat Rock.