Is this me?

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh


I am a quote-a-holic. I can't seem to get enough inspiration for whatever my present mood may be. A few weeks ago I was pumped about a new routine I was starting. Working out, eating healthy, staying oraganized, you know things we all generally want to do and spend most of our lives trrying to do it. I was really hoping to make some permanent changes. Anyways, life gets busy, I get tired and stressed out and the first thing to go is always the healthy choices I am making. Then I just hate myself for not following through and make even worse choices becasue I am mad at myself. its one fo thsoe awesome self destructive cycles that ultimately leaves you feeling completely depressed.

I wonder, is all of this ( this being life) so hard becasue I am depressed, or am I just seriously overreacting to things like being tired, financial stress, and being out of shape? Its hard to tell anymore. I found myself questioning my reactions and thinking that maybe I wanted to sit around in self pity becasue it was easier to go out on a limb, to move forward into the unknown. I admitted to someone that I was apprehensive about letting God take me to the next stage of life becasue I knew he would force me to grow and that would be painful. Pretty rosy persepective, or not. The silly thing is, of course I am going to Let God take me where he wants, i am just going to make it longer and bumpier than it needs to be. I am human after all . . .

Here's to leaving the painful past where it belongs, behind us, no matter how familiar it is. Ad here's to moving forward into the unknown with arms wide open. My prayer is that I don't shut them again in a week. Endurance building is tough these days. Thats all I have for tonight, Chou!